Win A Go

Sunny days while they last

OK so yesterday was a bad day for me. I have been feeling very depressed about life in general lately.Monday was my Birthday and i turned 55. I am sure that had some to do with my mood of lately.Being chronic ill with behcets and FMS some days are allot worse then others. With the lost of my grandson not being here everyday after school was enough to send me over the edge. I have been crying over every thing putting my foot down to people treating me like a door mat.(You know who you are ).
Its hard to put on a happy face when your own body is attacking itself and you have fevers and sores all over where it hurts to move. I have always tried to look at the bright side of things not one to see gloom or negative .I am guessing with my birthday and everything that has happened lately i had forgotten to do just that see the light not the dark.
I am sure unless you walk in my shoes you just wont get it. Money not here to pay our bills because we have to live on my husbands income. Not feeling good and not going back on the chemo medicine because of the cost of them might not been the best choice for me.Between menopause and behcets the continued pain and sadness from lost of what i think i am good at it all added up.
So from now on its back to the light side. I will count my blessing and know someone out there is worse off then i am !
I will be thankful i have a home a warm bed to sleep in a husband who loves me even with all the ailments.Grown children healthy and grand children who think i can walk on water is enough for me today to see the light.
I will get my sewing back out and tackle the projects i want to do even if they have to sit in-between flare ups.
I will be posting pictures soon of the beach trips and the sewing i have done to share with everyone.
I will be grateful i have lost already 17 lbs and glade i am half way to my goal of 40 lbs.
I will go outside and reflect on the hard work i have done in the flower beds and enjoy the nature and birds who feast on them every day.

The Leaves Are Turning
Today, be mindful of the change of season and spend some time outdoors. Reflect on the cyclic changes within yourself as well.

WOW time files

Its been a long summer at Grandmas house.My sewing machine is still sitting waiting for room to put it back up.We have made 2 beach trips this summer.!st we went camping at bar view jetty with Kasey and Amie and all grand kids.We had a blast.Weather was perfect .Then the next weekend we went to seaside where my oldest brother rented house for all of us .Family reunion time was full of kids and fun.
Caleb mom moved so I do not have him after school now.It has broken my heart and spirit that she chose to leave the clean and sober living to move in a 2 bed room apt with 3 adults and 3 kids.Caleb has to share a bed with Tessa and i just don't think that right.He doesn't know where any of his things are and is now lumped in as a middle kid who does not have the attention he needs from his mom and the safety of our home to help him through life.It really put me in a spot to where i have had to draw a line in the sand and not help at all so maybe his mom will learn to stand on her own two feet.I give it less then 6 mths and we will be back to where we were 1yr ago.
Our garden has not produced at all this year.We don't even have tomatoes ripe yet.too much rain to start with and now fall is here.We will have to buy produce to can which is not a good thing and does not help cut the cost of food at all.

Rain Rain Go Away .....

We have had rain here in Oregon for 18 days straight.It should be in the 70-80 by this time of year.My poor roses are all wilted and getting black mold on the leaves from all the rain and damp.All the vegetables that have been planted are water lagged and not growing the way they should be.We cant plant any thing else until we get some warm sunny weather.On top of that imagine every time its cold and damp your fingers and every joint in your body hurts.I can not walk more them 5 Min's with out my leg going numb and the feeling of pins and needles in my foot is so bad i have to sit down and stop what ever it is i am doing until it stops hurting and i can try and walk again.If you don't know what Behcets is here is just a little information so you understand what i go through each day.I have chosen NOT to be on steroid's or chemo at this time.We just can not afford it.We are drowning as it is in bills and i don't see light  helping us any time soon.No sun and dark days can be very depressing.Hope we get some sun soon i do not like this dark depressing place i am At right now.Love to you and yours......
Behcet's Syndrome
Also called: Behcet's disease
Behcet's syndrome is a disease that involves inflammation of the blood vessels. It causes problems in many parts of the body. The most common symptoms are

Sores in the mouth

Sores on the sex organs

Other skin sores

Swelling of parts of the eye
Pain, swelling and stiffness of the joints
More serious problems can include meningitis, blood clots, inflammation of the digestive system and blindness.
Doctors aren't sure what causes Behcet's. It is rare in the United States, but is common in the Middle East and Asia. It mainly affects people in their 20s and 30s. Diagnosing Behcet's can take a long time, because symptoms may come and go, and it may take months or even years to have all of the symptoms. There is no cure. Treatment focuses on reducing pain and preventing serious problems.

 Here are a few of the plants blooming in my flower garden right now.Its one thing i still do myself even if I can not walk for days after working in the flower beds its so worth it to me.Its a great way to bury allot of your problems dig them up and plant flowers over them....

This is a very old azalea The colors are so beautiful and one first ones to open in spring.

These are a few of the planted pots i have in my flower beds.I really like to add more with pots fills in the blanks spots and I can change therm if they don't grow good where i have them.                                   

The Star

You are The Star

Hope, expectation, Bright promises.

The Star is one of the great cards of faith, dreams realised

The Star is a card that looks to the future. It does not predict any immediate or powerful change, but it does predict hope and healing. This card suggests clarity of vision, spiritual insight. And, most importantly, that unexpected help will be coming, with water to quench your thirst, with a guiding light to the future. They might say you're a dreamer, but you're not the only one.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

I know I am following my bliss when my work is an act of love and devotion. Every day is a joy to live!

Ok so my throat is still infected my tongue has sores on it ,my eyes have a rash and sores in them and i am pretty sure i have sores in my nose and sinuses.You would think i  would be use to this by now.The taste in my mouth is so bad i cant even stand it.Its a double ended sword.If i go get the steroids again that’s another 10-15 lbs.And i cry over everything.I have gained over 50lbs since the start of all this.i use to be pretty attractive woman now look like old beat up lady.I for one am not complaining about how i look but would be nice to look healthy and not have dark circles around my eyes and big bags of fluid under and around my eyes.The cure is almost worse then the illness.

I try so hard to not show how sick i really am that other  forget how sick i really am.I push myself to the point of exhaustion.Just to fix a good dinner can wipe me out let alone have to do all the cleaning up the next day.When i vacuum i cannot walk rest of the day.I have had 2 back surgeries and now have 2 more bulging disk that i will not have surgery on because my curvature of the spine is so bad it would not take the pain away any how. I am going to have my granddaughter here for 4 days and pray the weather stays nice.They give me a reason to get up everyday.A reason to keep fighting and not give up.

Thank god for grandkids they are God’s reward for having children.

Hope your days filled with sunshine and fresh air………

SONG FOR HIS WIFE,SONG FOR LOVE, SONG FOR ILLNESS, SONG FOR THE SOUL

 

Rob Thomas Lyrics are found on www.songlyrics.com

HER DIAMONDS

I just can't win for losing
And she lays back down
Man there's so many times
I don't know what Im doin'
Like I don't know now

By the light of the moon
She rubs her eyes
Says it's funny how the night
Can make you blind
I can just imagine
And I don't know what Im supposed to do
But if she feels bad then I do too
So I let her be

And she says oooh
I can't take no more
Her tears like diamonds on the floor
And her diamonds bring me down
Cuz I can't help her now
Shes down in it
She tried her best and now she can't win it's
Hard to see them on the ground
Her diamonds falling down

She sits down and stares into the distance
And it takes all night
And I know I could break her concentration
But it don't feel right

By the light of the moon
She rubs her eyes

Sits down on the bed and starts to cry
And there's something less about her
And I don't know what Im supposed to do
So I sit down and I cry too
And don't let her see

And she says oooh
I can't take no more
Her tears like diamonds on the floor
And her diamonds bring me down
Cuz I can't help her now
Shes down in it
She tried her best and now she can't win it's
Hard to see them on the ground
Her diamonds falling down

She shuts out the night
Tries to close her eyes
If she can find daylight
Shell be all right
Shell be all right
Just not tonight

And she says oooh
I can't take no more
Her tears like diamonds on the floor
And her diamonds bring me down
Cuz I can't help her now
Shes down in it
She tried her best and now she can't win it's
Hard to see them on the ground
Her diamonds falling down

Rob Thomas

Flowers

Here are few of my favorite flowers i have been growing.Bleeding hearts are so beautiful to me.I also love love smell of lilacs if i had my way I would have whole yard full of them every color they have.

Used my last jars of canned tomatoe sauce.I will have to grow more this season so they last until the new ones are ripe and ready to can.One of my favorite things to do is make home made chilli with the tomatoe sauce.

Life Hits

My life right now is like a carnival ride. Just when i think i can relax and do some sewing POW BANG & life hits me right square in the head. I have a brother who has had mental health issues since we were teenagers. He has been on medicine for this his whole life. He had 9 years free from his illness and no hospitalizations.He is bi-polar and has in the past spent allot of time in state hospital for his illness. When his medicine working you would not know he's been so sick for so long.
Out of the blue he has had a break down. I have always been the one who can reach him and slowly bring him back to reality. I spent many hours at the state hospital with him bringing him food and what ever he needed. He has been in the hospital this time for over 6 weeks now and he still not closer to being well.

On top of this my elderly parents have had to get guardian ship over him so they can make him take his meds(He thinks their poisoning him and refuses his meds)My mom has heart frailer from a heart attack and blood clots in her stent and almost died 2 years ago. It took over 5 mths before she was out of the hospital and not bleeding from the blood thinners to break up the blood clots. I was in the ER last night with my mom for her heart. She's under so much stress its really tasking its toile on her.
Mental illness is not a pretty thing to have to look at or explain.I Pray my family can all get through this in one peice and come back toghter as a loving family,Or accept that he might just never be well again.

Warm weather

Today was a beautiful warm almost 60 day.It felt just like spring.I am just getting over a bad flu bug. 3 weeks later and I am still coughing and wiped out. My bleeding hearts are up and blooming.They are first plants to grow back.I have been cleaning out rooms to make a spot in the house for my sewing.Right now my machine is packed and sewing supplies are all over in different boxes.I have a table in the living room and did some sewing there.I have to pick everything up when done and seems not worth it to sew until I can leave everything right where it is when I want to stop or take a break.With Grandkids here all the time they want to sew also when I have my sewing stuff out.We are going to paint the living room and move all my sewing into a back room.Right now we have wood floor and supplies in the room that going to be my sewing room.Hope it will be done by summer then I can sit and watch the kids outside same time I am sewing.

When you have behcets like I do and get flu on top of it it takes all your energy just to get up and move.I am famous for going and going no matter how sick I am which makes my recovery 3 times as long.

Will post some pictures when we get room all painted.

Jenny of ELEFANTZ: ~~ BOUQUET ~~ a special New Year offer for you....

http://elefantz.blogspot.com/2010/01/bouquet-special-new-year-offer-for-you.html

Great FREE Block for Quilts.